2011.... end 2012... hello....

2011 is over... I end it..... with a nice celebration..... and great company.... haha.. anyway just enjoy it... my countdown celebration...2011... celebration was totally... a very unusual... type of countdown.... but whatever it is... all the countdown was totally perfect... wahaha... so I can say ended up 2011 was fun haha....

2012 started for the 3rd day...... haha.... on the 1st day.... of 2012... I did a very stupid things... in fact I do not know why I can come out with such a funny idea..... maybe it was a good start of 2012.... on the 1st day.... but anyway I enjoy the whole process.... haha... thanks to all my friends.....thanks.... i enjoy the 1st.. day only... as for the second day... it was totally sucks... but the only things... I know... is... for 2012... I am going to put a full stop on one things... I do not want you to be in my life anymore... I have enough... of all this... I do not want to carry on with all the bloody things... anymore.... haha anyway... I am already clear with it.. so no matter what.... we all finish....and end.... wahaha

2012 is a new start for me....I just want to say... my wish the god is clearly...understand.... and he know what I want.... so for the time being I just sit back and wait for the outcome... because I have done what I have too....what ever it is..... today is a new day for me... so any thing I would just face it....2012....hope I have a great year... Btw god pls bless the few of them with... love and care.....

today..... whatever... anything....

Today... really sucks...... from the moment I wake up... I know today would be a lousy day... haiz.... as usual... wake up... I would just message my friend and say.. morning... then walk out from outside to take have a smoke... then come in... to take bath... today suppose to be the day to do my body check up.... but when I finish my bath..... No one remember that me and my bro suppose to go for... check up....so after bath I went back on my bed to sleep... but when I about to doze off..... my mom bang on my stupid door and say got to go down.... What the hell... damm it... hate it lah....

Do the stupid... body check up... make me damm sleepy and tired.... haiz... today... do all those stupid x-ray....scan and etc.... really make me tired like hell....the worse is... my old sickness is back god bless me.... haha...today... discover few new thing... and my uncle said to me... a new word ....."totally".... btw who cares... i don't care..... throat infection.... blood pleasure... high..... so...."Pls sleep early... eat more vegetables.... fruits... eat steam food and can only eat soup n porridge.... " really damm funny.... bull shit... you think I would eat all this type of things... the best part is totally... wahaha funny.... wait long long lah....Er Jiu... don't tell me the same thing again and again.... and you very funny loh...condition worse now...... yes I did not eat medicine... and did not follow any of the things... that you said... but so what....I don't care.... so pls stop telling me... totally need to follow..... and doing body check up... is you all force me to do... so pls after doing the check up... no need to tell me anything.... and pls don't every time say the same things to me... thanks ... I hate it so much....

I realize that... I am so pro... sleep for half a day..... haha long time... did not sleep..... so much.... but today sleep so much make me go crazy...what ever it is... a secret... because... really jialat... wake up.. direct.. come out with such conclusion.... haiz.. today really don't know what... my... brain is thinking.... anyway... just want to say...I hate the whole day... but at least at night time... I still can be happy..... haiz anyway.... do not know what am I doing sitting down here writing this stupid blog..... that do not have any things.... and reason.... really sot liao.... haha.....spend time.... don't know lah..... sian today sucks...

gd and bad.... but still blog....

Wow... lots of things happen.... I do not know how to show my appreciation.....but the only things I can say... is.. with them around it make my life joyful.... First .... this year I had a great Christmas... I do not know why I have this feeling I enjoy every single moment that we have... together....even this year Christmas... is a bit funny I did not go for a drink..... ended up in Sizziling stone grill and Banafee... but it was really a great time... for me.... I am not sure what... they think as for me... I am happy that's all I know..... But this Christmas...as usual... I went to Orchard Road to look at the... decoration and lighting...... but it really make me disappointed.... because the lighting this year was a failure.... wahaha but anyway... it is different.... because I had a great... company..... so it did not affect my...mood.... say the truth..... for the past... few years... i never ever like to... have Christmas ..... but this year round... I did something dumb... during Christmas.... even me myself do not know the reason....and why... I can make such things... walau... but anywhere... what ever it is... the things... I have said in the car it is 90% comfirm...... already.... so now I just also leave it.... super natural...but I still wanna say that... no matter what... thanks for spending the Christmas.... with me... thanks Lax Didi and Jocelyn Jie Jie ....

Haiz... finish the happy things .... now going in too the sucks part.... what ever it is.. this few day really lots of things.. happen ..... I could not handle it... already.... I have been sitting down at the place for the whole morning... Nothing I have done beside crying and crying... and walk the whole bloody road.... alone... under the rain.... that's all I do... but thanks god that... i get the answer... If not i guess that you all will not be reading this blog..... I may be gone or disappear... for the time being I guess..... I still can stand it... but... the matter is how long I can stand... anyway... just see how..... but there is one question... no matter how.. I seek for the answer I can never ever get the answer... I was wondering that... people ask me please help me to take care people for them... but I was thinking who is the one who can take care of me... my everything I can tell who..... ? the answer is.. no one... and the answer is... a question mark.... anyway never mind... I am ok... because... my greatest wish is.. as long as the people around me happy... I am happy..... one thing I need to say is..... as long as I know that you guys are happy I can live without any worry....whatever it is..... my problem no one can ever ever solve it... because... even me myself... also don't know how to solve it... what ever it is.... my questions .... can never ever... get the answer... maybe just still got to wait..... or what.... I am not sure... I just leave it to the god to decide for me... now... I was wondering... how can I have this type of ability... to not sleep and not eat... haha... maybe I am also testing my limitation... on all this things... But one things... I am glad I have over come this..... there is more things i feel like saying but... it is really to long... to type anyway forget it.... God... when can you give me an answer... for my part....

sleepless night.....

Haiz... doctor nag... me all the time.... in fact I understand my own health... Is simple... my throat.. is on infection... mode at the moment.... all the while.. the doctor... have been saying that... I can't smoke... no more... cold stuff... no more fried stuff... no more chili.... my throat can't take it anymore... wahaha... because... when I sore throat.... my throat will direct turn... too infection..... haiz... sian

Lately... worse still gastric keep on attacking me...eat also attack... don't eat also attack... what the hell.... haha still the same no chili... and no coffee... walau just begin to feel angry.... what the hell wrong... tired of all this... i really hate my gastric... gastric... just attack me again... just hate it.. until I could not sleep... and want to vomit..... what the hell...

Asthma... lagi jialat.... a bit of cold also can't.... simply attack.... because of this stupid asthma now... make me stop all my sport... and my gym... really funny...just now I was shock... because for a little while.. I could not hear anything... due to my stupid nose... fuck lah... make me could not hear.... haha cold drink can't.. smoke can't... oranges... can't.... chicken can't.... all those cold stuff totally can't... what the fuck... every time when to comsult doctor... the doctor always... sing song... walau...doctor say until I also... know what he want to say... and what my uncle want to say.... haiz...

Really... damm it... because when ever I go consult the doctor... the doctor would just say to me.... :
NO SPICY FOOD,
NO FREID FOOD,
NO COLD FOOD,
NO SMOKING,
and the last sentence would always be... if... you do not follow... your sick package would be... gastric, asthma and throat infection.... walau for the past few year I listen to this dialog until... I can memorize every word the doctor... have said.... shit lah..... haiz... don't now lah... now special a bit.... please... don't... sleep so late... because our body system... need rest.... walau I just want to say... you think I don't know...or what.....what ever it is..... I am tired of all this for the past few year.... just hate it... cut this subject..... it make my mood worse...

This few day..... lots of things had happen...just do not wish to say and talk... the only things I know is.... I am doing what I wanna do... and I always looking ans seeking... for something and someone... we will see how.... I wonder who can enter into my life....god I really need a break..... I am tired of all this...rubbish....

what a journey of my life....

I am living in this world.... is not to please anyone.... it is my choice whether... to explain it or not.... because... I do not need to do any explain.... because I find.. it there is no need to do so.... don't ever treat people like an idiot.... I know your post is...refering to me..... 8 years friend... you still don't understand me.... what you want me to do.... If you still want to say it this way... then nothing... much I can say...I will remain silent.... sometimes.... maybe my feeling was right... through this friendship is never ever true at all.... that is why things would turn out this way.... but anyway... if you continue think it that... way I would just run out from this... friendship....

In another... hand.. sometimes I just hope that I can stop pretending..... and give up all the things.... that I have hold on for so long.... when I sit back and think of the journey of my life... I realize that... I am only.... pretending to... be strong.. and pretend.... to be over my ability.... I begin to feel tired and stress of all this... sometimes... I just wish I could can just cry it out... anytime... but I know it is impossible... for me to do so.... anyway it is all my wishful thinking... all this would never ever happen....

Sometimes.... all I need is someone can really understand what I am thinking and know what I want and maybe lend me a shoulder when i need it...... but nobody would never ever know... because... even my family had raise me up for 25 years... they still do not know what I want and what I am thinking about... what a shame...... I begin to feel tired... of all this.....

I feel like asking......
What is Love?
What is Life ?
What is Friendship?
What is Family ?

Can anyone tell me what is all this... I finally realize that non of this is in my journey for the past 20 years.... I am totally a failure..... I do not wish to continue all this....Sometimes... I am silent is because I am really feeling tired... when my emotional.. come I just could not help it... because I do what I can do beside... hurting myself... I know it is... stupid but I have no choice... because... I do not who I should talk too... maybe my self protection is to strong..... is not because... I do not trust... is just because... I can't find anyone to trust.... I trusted her so much... But this is the end I got... what more I can do... tell me what I should do... anyway all this make me think that... I self protection strong... is not a wrong... pretending is the right thing to do.... and being silent... is the best way... of stoping myself from getting hurt.. and maybe this is the best way ... to solve all this thing.... For all this year.... I am only seeking for someone ..... that can really understand me..... and lend me a shoulder..... that's all I ask for..... but it seems to be like so hard... but never mind... I will continue... until I found one.... for the time being..... I only need to pretend and fake it out... everything..... I do not know how long more... but if one day I could not take it anymore... maybe in this world... no longer have... Wong Joyce Lyn.... will see how... anyway... may god bless... all my friends... especially the few of you....

fail... i hate people around me unhappy...

I was thinking...I may not be perfect... I may not be the best in everything... but all I wish is... I hope that everyone around me... could be happy.... I just don't want to see all this happen around me... I am feeling so lost when I look at all this happen to all of you... I am not happy... at all... all the time I only try the best to make the people around me to be happy... but no matter how... I try how I do I fail to do so.... I hate to see the people around me... like this....especially... the people that I care....Lots of things you guys may not tell... but i know that you all are not happy... I am tired.... I don't like all this..... I am totally lost.... maybe the only things... I can do is just hide from all this... and do not wish to talk and do not wish to say....

Sometimes... I just want to say that... no matter what I am not happy... I don't mind is just that I hope that you all would be happy....tired...lots of things I 是i i could just hide.. but when I realize something... I feel that I am so lost... what ever it is... I just want to say... no matter what... I just want you guys to be happy that's all.... I don't like when the people around me.. to get hurt... I can't stand anyone of you getting hurt....

Since morning till now .... I did not feel happy at all.... the reason I do not know... at all... maybe is just because... I realize that... I have fail to do so.... I just wanna say that... maybe is my problem.....I really hate it so much when I see all this happen.... maybe I just need time to... solve all this....My wish is just that... everyone could be happy... that's all I ask for..... All of you to me is...more like a family to me....rather a friends..... Just feel like hide...and cry now....

Haiz....

Why is human being so complicated.... I am just curious about this particular question.... I have been wondering that why human can be so scary.... sometimes... I just do not know what the hell wrong with myself.... I just want to... stop guess what is the people around me thinking... because I am tired of guessing... I just want to leave as normal as possible.... I do not wish to make my life so complicated.... I realize that..... all the while my life is like a racing... everyday I have to think... and think.... I wonder is my problem or what... Haiz... what the hell I am thinking.... anyway.. I no matter how I think I would never ever get the answer...because... human is complicated....

Lately... lots of thing happen around me...but all of it seems to be happen without any reason...I just want to know that... why it's all so complicated... all the thing had happen appear for a reason... but when I really spend time thinking...I will feel... all this happen to be like no reason....anyway... I am tired of thinking and guessing....

Now I hope that I can go to a place where by no one can ever find me.... too just start a new me... I want to get out off all this stupid things...I am tired of everything..... I am wondering... sometimes the more I try to act... or the more I try to pretend... certain things... would just impose on me...haiz... Wong Joyce Lyn you are stupid idiot people in this world.... I just want to say that... maybe most of the time... I just run away from everything I face... the only reason is... I am scare of getting hurt again and again.... I am tired of waiting... I am tired of pretending.... I am tired of acting that I am happy..... I just wish to tell... wish to say... and the most important thing is... all i need is someone that can understand me... show me concern... can listen to my sorrow.....anyway... i think it is impossible...haiz... don't know lah... how I wish I could just... do what I want... and what I wish to do... only wish is I hope that what I am waiting for would come true...in fact... sometimes I know the answer.. but i just refuse to face it... i guess....do not know what I should do... who can save me... who can tell me...forgot to say god... please tell me what I should I do... and I am being to protecting... that is why the door in my... heart is forever close.....haiz... I hate it since the day... till now... my door is forever close... what the hack.... if I open... i may get hurt... if I close forever... it will be the same.... tired of all this..... hate it....

my...mind

I begin to ask myself since morning till now..... I finally got the answer.... I would choose friends rather than.... love... the reason is very clear... because the example is simple... it is clearly stated.... show that ..... friends can be forever.... lover don't... Me and Miss Ang is the best.... example of all... so in between me and you I choose...friends.... because... I know that if I really choose to date you... I will lost you as a friend.... I may not lost you... only I may lost the both of you.... but what ever it is... I have choose this as my answer so I hope that you would not feel any uneasy.... I have continue asking myself one question ...... the conclusion is.... I love Miss Lovies Ang Chiew Fong ..... towards you... is just as a good friends and a little bit more of.... elder sister... that's all that is sometime... i concern about you.... Maybe the way I treat you... would let you feel a bit weird... but i can ensure that one thing is... I do not want to lost you as a friend... because it would... be a regret things in life for me......it is clearly show that... my mind is playing with me.... but lucky i over come everything... if not i really will lost someone like you... in my life.... Just wanna say that..... I do not want to loose you as a friend..... May God bless u forever....

Stupid mine.... nearly cause me to loose the person that i love most.... and nearly cause me... to lost a very good friend.... lucky... i am stable enough to over come it...... Lovies Ang Chiew Fong.... nothing gonna change my love for you... sometimes how i wish i would able to let you see... my love evelyn... account... in that account is everything about the 2 both of us....from the start to now is all.... i really hope that.... you can see it... but i do not know how to pass it to you.... the particular.... account is all our story....... you are my everything... you are my life... just want to say... I love you... is not a joke... and love you there is no reason....nothing gonna change mey love for you..... Ang Chiew Fong.... I am waiting for you no matter what or how long it takes......but thanks god i have truly.... know what i want..... May god bless all of us save and forever..... and i

i just want to made myself clear......

I am not that kind of person..... You know I love you..... I would not do anything to hurt you.... I can just swear to the god.....I did not ask anyone to disturb you..... If really someone disturb you.... can you please tell me that who is that idiot who disturb you.... I would like to find out who is he.... because I really want to know that why he can say such thing..... I really did not do such thing at all.... but whether you believe it a not... I just want to say that.... I only know how to love you more.... I don't even thing of hurting you...... and I just want to say 人在做天在看.... I can't even stand you from getting any hurt.... so I can say I did not do such thing to you.....

Jie I just want to say that.... I do not know that.... how much you know about me... but I can say that... my love to you will never ever change.... The reason... I prefer to type everything here.... is i do not want you to feel anything and I do not want to you to feel stress... btw i just wanna say that I do not whether you still love me or not.... but you can't stop me or prevent me from loving you..... Jie I love you....

how i wish i can just bring you with me together... where ever i go......

This few months... I been to so many place..... Since the day when we start fighting... till now... I have been to so many place...... I have been to so many place..... no matter the Singapore Zoo, Har Par villa, Melaka, Penang, and Pahang..... I hope that all this place I wish I can have the chance to bring you.....Every place then I have been.... How I wish I can bring you along..... I really hope that I have the chance to bring you along.....In fact the recent Pahang trip... I have been telling Peggy...if you were here you will love all this places.... but I do not have the chance to bring you alone..... Jie i really hope that... I still have the chance to bring you go...... the trip without you with me had never been perfect at all.... Do you know a not the trip without you is just like a trip does not exits..... Jie i just want to tell you how much I love you..... no matter what I love you so much...... I just want to say that no matter what.... I love you.... it is true..... I did not ask anyone to disturb you... I do not know why you can say that ..... I find people disturb you...... but I really did not ask anyone to do so..... I love you more than anything...... I would not do such thing......because I love you..... I do not know..... what you want and what is the reason you say such thing.......

I love you it is all true... but I do not know why you can just say things... like this...... everyday I have been telling me myself that... I love you.... so I got to let you know that I have change a lot..... But I do not know why always there is such things happen...... and I do not who is the one who always... say bad thing about me... but I am sure is I love you... I would not do anything to hurt you..... I never love someone...... until me myself already do not know what more I can do.... I have already...... lost myself.....I love you is never ever a joke.....n loving you is my greatest wish of everything......... I have never regret that loving you and I have never ever regret knowing you...... in fact I love you more than anything......

Sometime I just want to say.... that I love you... is a burden to you... but I am willing to change... but no matter how I do or how hard I do... it will always turn out to be sucks.......from the start I just scared that.... I will loose you.... In fact the..... the problem... is always... I break my promise... the master also say the same as what you say..... I am sorry..... but I know that now..... I promise you I will not touch those things..... I really do not touch it at all..... I have already... do it..... since the day...... since the last time I promise you I will not touch it.... I really do not touch it... till now......When every time I think of you I feel like want to touch.... that kind of thing but I had over come it.... till now I never touch it.... do you know that when every time I think of you.... I only can look at the photo that we take together.... and when I look at it.... I realize that we were so happy together.... I just want to tell you that.... I want to bring you to all kind of places... and take lots... of photos together..... I know now you earn more money then me.... and you do not need me to bring you... but I just hope that you can think of the photo you make for me.... you said that.... this is not the first place that we go together..... and there is lot of places waiting for us..... Jie I really hope that all this can come to and end.... I hope that you can give me a chance.... to once again love you... and give you the happiness..... I will not give you any stress..... I always asking... this punishment is enough.... I really learn my lesson.... Jie I do not know how long I need to wait but... I will wait.... because... I love you..... is not a joke or play only.... In fact... I thought I can forget you and find another one... but I am totally wrong..... there is so many people enter into my love and ask me to be their boyfriend..... but I can't because... I love you.... no matter how good they treat me..... I only love you..... I do not know why.....but I only know that..... I love you....

People tell me how you say about me......but I only say that I love you.... they say I am stupid.... Every night I still cry...but who can know..... you may think that... I have forget about you..... but I have never ever...... I always go here and there is I do not want to hide all this.... because I do not want to let people see all this.... Jie I just hope that I can have the chance to love you once again... and I hope that I can bring you to all places together and take lots of photo together.... Jie I really love you so much..... nothing gonna change my love for you.....

something came in my mind... just a click but it is rather confuse

I was playing game, and listening to songs, suddenly something click in my mind.... and say... what the hell wrong with me..... At first I don't even border about this matter... but after... a few minutes..... I start thinking about the things the click in my mind... It is rather confusing.... but till now I still do not have any answer yet....

I was wondering, I have live for 24 years how come the women that enter into my life is the same.... no matter towards my god sister or my girlfriend..... when I think back everything... it tell me that their... character and pattern are the same.......

I have 2 god sister their..... character is the same.... but anywhere..... for the time being.... now I am only concern with the god sister that I love the most but also the one that hurt me the most... any where i was asking myself that... why my sister say the love i gave her is to much... but in another hand my ex say to me... my love towards her is to little... I am really confusing what I should do.... sometime.. I just want to say ... that my love to you will never ever change... because...... you will always be the one that I love the most.....

Recently I want to date a girl... I hope that.... she would not be the same as them... what I ask for.... is I hope that... on my birthday... I can see my sister... appear in front on me..... Anyway... for the time being I just need to do what i suppose to do... but no matter what my love towards you my love would never ever change.......

my feeling towards.. her my sis...

Who will wait for you?

Me...

Who will always love you ?

Me...

Who will love you forever?

Me...

Who willing to change for you ?

Me...

Who will be there when you encounter problem?

Me...

Who will do everything for you?

Me...

I am willing to do all this things for you... because you will always be my only sister.. what ever it is i am willing to do anything for you... Do you know everyday i hide everything I fake a smile... just to show that I am happy everyday... but who knows my heart is crying everyday... no one .. only me myself know... i just want to say I will be waiting for the day to come.... I just hope that you will able to give me the chance like what we use to have.... I hope that we can be able.. to be happy just like before... sis i love you... miss you... hope you can know it...

i hv made up my mind...

What i done is not enough.... or you just think that I am a person that can be kick around... What i hv done is not enough... sometimes i really feel that the things I have done to you may not be enough... but I just I want to say that...this time i hv made up my mind that...i give u 2days if you still don't want to care about me then i have nothing to say i just hav to really end my life... I am really tired... I do not have the ability to so so any more... i just want u to know that i love you more than anything.... What i want is really very very simple... is that really so hard for... you... if you love me can you just give me one chance once for all... you know how important you are to me... but i really don't know why you can do this to me... Jie pls lah i beg you... i really do not hv the ability to carry on any more... i am really struggling... I do not want all this to happen but i just hope that you can at least give me the chance to do so... i really need you very badly... you are my everything... without you I really do not have the ability to carry on... I need you badly...Jie pls lah i beg you.. can you just don't treat me like this... I do not have the courage to carry on any more... i really do not know what will come first... die or i will fall first... Jie pls lah I beg... you... i need you know now... I do not know what i can do any more... every day i only can act to be happy....in order to cover all my sorrow... serious you know nothing about all this... Jie pls lah i beg you... don't do this to me... i really going to fall soon... Jie pls lah give me the last chance i beg you lah....

Tanjung Leman... trip with my be loved Jie...

After so long that we have fight this the trip we go with each other... my heart to you is still the same no matter what. My love to you will never ever change.... because you are my only sister... no matter how you treat me...I still need to tell you, that was a sister always a sister... this will never ever change.... what ever you want to say is up to you..... i just want you to know that... I will never ever give up no matter what.

I don't know what is your feeling now... but my feeling towards you will never ever change this is forever.... I have the ability to go back what we suppose to be.... My love to you can ever never die... because I love you to much.... I know you doubt my feeling toward you but I only can say that... you are the only one that I cares the most... you are my every thing... without you I really don't know what I can do.... No matter what I don't mind how you treat me... what I know is how I should treat you.....

When I took this photo I feel that I should be the one standing beside you... I should be with you all the while... N i hope that I am the one that can company you all the time... when there is a sunset... I hope that I am the one that can give you everything you needed... and I hope that I am the person that can give you the love you need... I hope that I am the person that can do everything with you... I really hope that I am te one that you will kiss and to hug.... now everything I just hope that you we can become like what we use to be... Jie you know how much I love you....

Now my only wish is that we can be like the star fish like this.... we can be forever together.... on the beach... and I hope that we can just enjoy every single moment till the last day of life.... I always thought that the love that I gave you is too little... but when I look back i actually i have done a lot of thing for you... but you still think that it is not enough... so the only thing I can say is I will still give you the love that i always do, but i will not give you any pressure... i just want to tell you that I love you so much.....

feel like write something....

it had been long, i did not write anything... haha finally i got time to write.... lately so many things had happen it is just like it happen yesterday.....it had lots of happy moment and bad things... haha but it is all past already... anyway everyday is a new day...

lately i miss my sister so much... she is like so busy no time for me also... the time we together is getting lesser everyday... our time per week is like less then 6 hours.... i feel like we have a gap in between us... sometimes i think how long can i keep this relationships... every single day i am like so lost without her... but she don't know it at all... i really feeling moody when she is not with me... when ever i know that she hv more time with her friend i feel that i am like nobody to her.... i really hv that kind of feeling....

she always say that she is just beside me... but i don't think so at all....i feel that she is damm far from me... i really can't feel anything.... sometimes i think is i demand to much....reason i do all this thing is bcoz i can't stand that she is not with me.... hope that all this will past soon... i am really tired of all this.... sian

in order hand i hv some happy moment such as go holiday with my friend.... n i hv bought a new laptop and a video camera..... sometimes really thanks to my friend bcoz when my sis not with me at least they are there to company me...i just everyday is a good n great day for me......