what a journey of my life....

I am living in this world.... is not to please anyone.... it is my choice whether... to explain it or not.... because... I do not need to do any explain.... because I find.. it there is no need to do so.... don't ever treat people like an idiot.... I know your post is...refering to me..... 8 years friend... you still don't understand me.... what you want me to do.... If you still want to say it this way... then nothing... much I can say...I will remain silent.... sometimes.... maybe my feeling was right... through this friendship is never ever true at all.... that is why things would turn out this way.... but anyway... if you continue think it that... way I would just run out from this... friendship....

In another... hand.. sometimes I just hope that I can stop pretending..... and give up all the things.... that I have hold on for so long.... when I sit back and think of the journey of my life... I realize that... I am only.... pretending to... be strong.. and pretend.... to be over my ability.... I begin to feel tired and stress of all this... sometimes... I just wish I could can just cry it out... anytime... but I know it is impossible... for me to do so.... anyway it is all my wishful thinking... all this would never ever happen....

Sometimes.... all I need is someone can really understand what I am thinking and know what I want and maybe lend me a shoulder when i need it...... but nobody would never ever know... because... even my family had raise me up for 25 years... they still do not know what I want and what I am thinking about... what a shame...... I begin to feel tired... of all this.....

I feel like asking......
What is Love?
What is Life ?
What is Friendship?
What is Family ?

Can anyone tell me what is all this... I finally realize that non of this is in my journey for the past 20 years.... I am totally a failure..... I do not wish to continue all this....Sometimes... I am silent is because I am really feeling tired... when my emotional.. come I just could not help it... because I do what I can do beside... hurting myself... I know it is... stupid but I have no choice... because... I do not who I should talk too... maybe my self protection is to strong..... is not because... I do not trust... is just because... I can't find anyone to trust.... I trusted her so much... But this is the end I got... what more I can do... tell me what I should do... anyway all this make me think that... I self protection strong... is not a wrong... pretending is the right thing to do.... and being silent... is the best way... of stoping myself from getting hurt.. and maybe this is the best way ... to solve all this thing.... For all this year.... I am only seeking for someone ..... that can really understand me..... and lend me a shoulder..... that's all I ask for..... but it seems to be like so hard... but never mind... I will continue... until I found one.... for the time being..... I only need to pretend and fake it out... everything..... I do not know how long more... but if one day I could not take it anymore... maybe in this world... no longer have... Wong Joyce Lyn.... will see how... anyway... may god bless... all my friends... especially the few of you....