Hahahahahahahahaha....... hurt and hurt.... over and over......

It had been long i did not write a blog.... once i write blog...... It always not a good thing... because bad thing happen again.... to me.... actually this blog was wrote... for 2 person....haha...... seriously..... I am tired of explain everything over and over again...... I do not know maybe i am the one in wrong..... I don't know why things turn out to be this way..... i am just wondering... maybe it was my problem.... i do not know how to start......
Anyway... I would just start of with the first... friend which I care the most.... but I do not know why she keep on misunderstand me.... i am just being curious..... seriously i do not know how to solve it....I have already.... clarify... but ended up it go back to the same problem again and again...... I treat her good the only intention... is because i care this friendship so much.... but it ended up to me a misunderstand..... I wonder cherish a friendship it's wrong... being good to friend it's good??? i am just wondering this particular question over and over again..... if being good to a friend..... or concern... friend means that... i wanna to date... the friends......  if in this case..... that's mean i am very busy loh.... cause I am busy dating with all my other friends... too......anyway i have already say that..... I treat you good and concern you is because.... I care a lot about this friendship..... but i do not know why it always ended up to be.... a misunderstand......maybe having a face like a guy..... cut hair short is a criminal....that's why make so much thing to happen....... i don't know how many time I wanna say..... I am tired of explain.... things that you worry about.... it would not happen for sure... because... it is totally not impossible......If i really have that intention to date you... I do not need to wait till today......i would done it earlier.....  I really only treat you as a good friend...... best friend.... special friend.....and close friend...... Seriously.... friend if you really have doubt..... or any barrier... you can always just ask me........ I really do not want you my friend to have any barrier or doubt..... on me.... If you think the way I treat you make you feel any misunderstand.... I would just stop... or if you feel that... I am causing you any trouble..... I would just disappear...... anyway.... i hope that..... if you are not sure of anything... or what ever you can just ask me..... as I say this friendship is important to me.... so I would wanna clear your doubt and carry on with this friendship...... but decision is still yours.....

The second person..... I know you not very long...... I do not know what make you think so.... and said that.... kind .... of things..... but i just wanna say that... If you really think so.... and I make you have such feeling then.... I say sorry to you...... because I do not have such intention..... once again.... I am being misunderstand...... again .....but  is just being misunderstand on a different situation...... I treat you as a friend..... but you think that.... i make you as a tool..... do you know how hurt it is when.... i regard you as a friend......  btw.....  i do not want to explain anymore.... cause..... i find it hurt when i try to explain every single thing......anyway friend..... i really do not want to say anything else anymore..... just wanna clarify once more..... I do not have any intention as what you think.......

To the both of you..... if you still have doubt.... on anything... or you wanna ask anything...I would tell.....but stop simply think....I am really tired of being misunderstand....... Do you guys know how hurt it is... when a person truly..... care concern and regard someone as a friend.... but in the end it is being... misunderstand.... and being think as such a person??? anyway... if the both of you think I cause so many trouble.... just tell me I would just disappear...... from both of your sight.... i would not give any problem to the both of you...... anymore....... I am really tired of explain and explain... worried and worried......

haha...funny.....

This few day lots of things happen..... I do not know what to say... the only things is I wanna say... who ever please don't assume anything... or conclude anything... on my status..... who ever.... and for those... who think they really understand me...... you all can just get of my side.... cause non of you will understand me..... thank you.... yes i like to shut up the door so what..... this is me... what can you all do to me.....nothing.... if i think I want to tell... I would just tell...... anyway.... don't ever ever try do anything.... I would not be thankful...... cause I don't need any of yours help... I can settle my own problem........BTW i am human.... I got feeling de..... so I won'd be happy everyday.... sometime... I will feel emo de.....anyway don;t pretend that you understand everything..... 

Anyway...... I have learn a new things.... don';t bother so much.... and don't  care, it will make me feel better.... the most important thing is.... don't be the always.... i don't want to do anything..... cause I am really tired already..... just live everything.... behind...... anyway... there is one thing can't be change... that's all... I can say....anyway...... when the day I say i don't want to be the always.... then I will do as what I say...... 

anyway... this few day.... i have not been stop laughing..... wakaka.... really happy loh....... cause when with this group if friend they really make me feel less stress..... they only make me laugh non stop....wakaka.... happy loh.... nothing to say beside happy......BTW there is one thing I wanna say..... the feeling is totally weird... nothing else just weird.... because I feel the strange..... of all the things...... anyway...... I have do what I want to do...... if don't appreciate it... then everything will have a full stop......

Lots of things in my mind.....

I am wondering.... what am I doing and what I suppose to do actually.... sometimes... I just hope that... I am able to know what is on mind... and what is on heart... haiz again n again....maybe i am just nobody.....cause i am just like the tiny little.....person throughout the million.......thats y my existence is only exist when throughout the million u capture me suddenly....maybe i think to highly of myself......because till now i can never ever.....hv a place that is meant to be just for me......even just a little....


sometime just feel that maybe from the beginning i do not exist....or i shd say i am just nothing.....thats y never ever hv place....in heart or mind.....now  i really do not dare to make any judgement.....or any choice.....because....i really scared....that i would fail....n the most important thing is i scared i might lost it....too.....seriously......i am in a T～junction now....no matter which road i choose i will still be wrong......but the only thing i can say is.....the power was so strong just a word.....or a sentence.....it can make me do anything without having a thought.....maybe you don't remember....but every little....part....it mean to me.... 


 if i have a chance....i hope that i am able to show you one thing.....just one thing.....but i do not hv the courage to do so..... maybe i am the biggest fool in this world....cause i want to ask but i don't even dare to do so.....i only could just.....silently do everything...and try to make everything perfect....try to make happy...and what ever i could do.....just for one purpose....just want you to be happy thats all.....nothing much i ask for....it may sound stupid but i really mean it..... when ever see u smile....i just feel damm happy..... anyway just one thing....i really hope that....i could just shout it out loud.....once for all and close this topic....and keep it safely in my heart....forever....n continue....with what i think is best....and do the best for it.....and just remain it till the day i got the answer then i will plan what to do.....


for now...i am only able to continue.....predict and seek for the answer.....anyway when the times come it will come.....and if it really come i don't think i can run......and i also feel like shout out loud how much i miss....and how much i care towards the sea....n hope the sea would bring my msg to you......cause i do not dare to tell or msg to someone....that i really really care......♥

Wonder why it is so miracle.....

I was so bored on playing my games... So I was so boring till... I got nothing to do... I spent time looking back on all the things... that had happen... few months... back... I was actually laughing and smiling to myself.... When.. I go through all the things... I really feel so... funny.. and happy.... never know that... since this happen I was so happy... anyway... I was thinking..... how miracle....things can happen.... how miracle.... it...was.... two stranger can meet up and turn out to be friend... haha.... it is so miracle and... fated I guess....

Do you believe it....things happen just like a flash.... If I did not go through.... all this message, status and comment... I never know that....things happen so fast.....wahaha... it is.....looking at the... conversation and the status... it really make my day... cause really funny loh.... I wonder why there is so many things to say.... haha.... in this past few months I really got to admit... that.... I am really very happy and comfortable..... but I still can say that...this is how life is...things can happen.... so sudden without any notice.....

Sometimes... I really feel that... I am being bless all the times...because... lot of things happen... just in time.... I do not know whether I am lucky or what... because... when my life in.. trouble... there is always people would come in... to make my life.... joyful again.... haha... maybe god really love me... that's why I say why it is so miracle.... haha.... The best part in life now is... because... I really feeling so enjoy... no matter what...

Sometimes... I do feel emo... but when... I think of...the few of them... it really make my day wonderful.....haha... this few day I was.. thinking... I hate the feeling when I really care... because..... I know nothing much I can do for them... but they have done a lots for me..... anyway... the only thing I can do is treat them better.....anyway... just want to say I really appreciate so much......

Anyway.... just want to say I do not why I have a very special feeling where by... I really stuck for so long... if you ask me..... I do not even know how... to explain it....but only one word can say... it really give me... a very different feeling... but it is not..... lover feeling..... but is just a very.... special feeling..... where by I totally don't know how to explain it at all......maybe this is the specialty.... I guess.... anyway...as I say... I will let it be as it is.... cause... I think it is... just a miracle that is happening in my life.... haha.... but I really got to admit...one thing..... looking at all the things... the only things I can say is happy...... that's all I can say.... haha..... anyway.... it really so hard to believe.. when... things happen just like flash.... haha.....

Should not be....

It had been really weird..... I have not have this feeling for so long why suddenly... I have this feeling....I hope I will not be like last time.... being... I do not want to turn back... like what I use to be..... I notice I have been feeling very emo... for the past 2 days.... I hate this feeling..... I start to can't fall asleep... and all kind of stupid things too.... what the hell.....

Maybe it is time... to slowly.... get myself out from this.... bloody situation.... I need to slowly give less.... and slowly... by slowly everyday.... don't care.... because.... I realize that... I am losing..... don't know is my problem or what...maybe the less I give the less I would feel hurt... I am once again badly injured again this time.... all I need is time to heal... my injury...I have discover.... that the answer is so obvious....the answer lead me to clearly understand.... that..... what I have thought earlier... is true.... cause slowly by slowly....all this is.. happening..... Just thought that... god like to play joke on people.....

From the moment I woke up today... this strong feeling is keep on appearing in my... mind... till now I am writing this blog... it is... still appearing... what ever it is....I have made a mistake.... but sometimes... I just wonder give to much is a wrong... or what... ??? anyway... I don't know how long would this emo.... going to be with me once again..... whatever it is... I just want to say that.... in this world... when you wish for something it will never ever happen... it will just make you suffer rather then give you what you want.....

Just Blog....

Haha... finally tonight I got time to do my blog..... haiz.. the past few day I was so busy till I do not even have time for my own... because went I got home from work I am so tired till I even lazy to on my lappy.....Since... today is weekend so I decided to... update my blog...... Lately so many things had happen... lots of funny things... sad things.... and happy things... of course.....

Sad things... is I have hurt a good guy for one reason... because... I am not ready to accept... a relationship... since I prefer to be alone.... haha... cause I do not want stress..... I feel that... my life is already so stress..... so for the time being.... I just don't want any stress.... so I decided to reject him...... maybe after... I have solve all the matter I would accept.... haha.. all depends....on fate ba....

Sometimes... I wonder what got into me... I find myself become so stupid this few day... and blur.... just wonder what the hell wrong with me....haiz.. maybe I am under to much stress... haha.....such a normal... things... I could not even... do... haiz.... something really wrong with me... don't know whether is because I am lazy or.... I am just being stupid..... I hope that I am stupid not lazy....don't know lah I feel that I am craping for no reason.... haha

What ever it.. is just hope that.... it would just... over as fast as possible..... cause I really feeling annoying with that... bloody idiot person...... never seen such a person.... like this for.... haiz... and I hope that.... my wish could come true... too.... cause I have been waiting... for my one and only wish... haha.... hopefully it won't disappoint me.... haha.... If my wish come true... I guess I would be the most luckiest person... and bless... haha... but no matter what... I am working.. on it to.... need lost of hardwork loh.... anyway.... I hope that.. my hard work would help me... haha....

Anyway.... as usual I miss all my friends.... haha.... this is the things for sure de wahaha....anyway... just hope that they would be happy always.... and forever bless with lots of love... haha.....Miss you guys so much..... anyway... crap to much... time to stop... if not this blog would.. be to long... and all rubbish.... wakaka.... May god bless all of you... and my entire family.... haha....

Slow weekend.....

I wonder this... week... the time has pass by so slowly..... I wonder... how come so slow... it is like damm hard to go through.....actually I am very busy but... how come the time goes by so slow.... everyday... as usual need to work... and need to study.... suppose it goeas by fast but this week the time really slow... haiz.. just don't understand....why???

I realize that... my life now is working... and studying.... what the hell... begin to realize that I do not have much time for myself....the only time I have for myself is only weekend.... but this weekend... totally don't have... cause this week I also got work... haha...tomorrow sunday also need to work... haiz.... I guess only for this week...after this week maybe next week I want to plan on a trip..... cause I realize that...for almost... few months I did not go for a trip... already... suppose to go Melake this week but I was so busy so the trip is cancel... haiz So I guess next week I am going on a trip.... wahaha....

Sometime.... I wonder how am I able to cope with this working and studying life.... OMG I have been very stress recently......haiz..... and i realize that... I am so stupid...... I have been studying... the stupid subject for days... but I still can't solve this stupid... question... Just a very simple question....till now I still not yet done... haiz... I am really so stupid..... My friend say to me I am not stupid.. is just that... I am lazy don't want to do that's why....I also don't know lah.... I just hope that... I can't settle..... my homework... before more to come... and the few other subject... I want to finish at least one chapter for each subject.... argh... looks like it is so hard but I have no choice.... I am wasting to much time on... this diploma... haiz.... anyway... I a going to work for it.... wahaha....

Yesterday I have been asking myself one very weird question... but I do not know what I should do... haiz.... anyway..... since I don't know what to do... so I just leave it as it is.... haha... but one things I am comfirm is.... I am missing someone..... for the next week too.... and I am also missing my friends that study in KL... haiz... and I am waiting for my another friends to come back from KL... haiz.... just miss all of them.... but of course I really damm miss my pig head sister.. cause I really don't know when she will come back... haiz...... anyway.... I really damm miss them...... :((

If I have the chance.....I want to do something really stupid... haiz.... but I scared to do so.... anyway.... god ls bless them ....with lots of love.....

Thought... of you and you and you...... and you...

I was thinking.....something but I don't understand why....??? I really don't get it.... I am such a hot temper person... but how come when with my friend..... why I can't even lost my temper at all.... is not I don't want to lost my temper... but the problem is i totally I can't lost my temper at all.... why can anyone tell me why.... ??? just don't get it.....On that day after having tuition... I was thinking.... why I would listen....she say no I also keep quiet and being so obedient.... argh.... why am I so obedient... how come when my friends say no... I also... listen.... why I so sacred of my this friend..... ???? One of my friend... make fun of me....because I mention this to her... and she say... since when I become so lousy.... she laugh at me non stop.... argh...angry... angry...with her.... 555 the worse is... my friend say if one day... she ask me to eat the things... that i hate the most would i eat it.... seriously.. when she pop up this question I was totally stuck... and silence...... then she look at my face and start laughing.... walua...just becuase at that time when I mention this problem... We were having lunch.. and I am actually choosing out the carrot... WTF.... Really can't stand here loh.... OMG... haiz....

Why... like that... even... I don't feel like doing the homework that... been given by my friend...I also scared and dare not don't do... walau.... If someone...else... I already.... ignore.... loh... I don't even border at all.... haiz... what lah....why... I can be so obedient....... anyway... no point to think so much.. i guess because I am not able to find the answer... just...leave it...ba... anyway... just thinking ... and feel funny..... why me so lousy...... wahaha dumb dumb..... me... anyway... just let it be ba as long as.... I am comfortable and aswhile as my friend too will do.... hehe.....

Actually.. this few day... I am thinking of so many things... seriously.. I miss you all so much... but... we were all so busy to... meet up and... some of you are so far... haiz.... I miss all the sweet memory... when we together... now we were all so far apart... even those who are still in JB all busy with our own things..... sometimes.. when I think of all the stupid things that we do together... I feel that all of us where so stupid... but we were all so happy together.... haiz....one of my friend came back from UK.. we also don't have much time... to meet up... because we were busy with our own stuff.. haiz... don't know when only we have the time to meet again... haiz.... and another friend came back form.... KL... for more than... one months plus... we totally did not meet up at all.... haiz.....what lah.. when they find me I am busy... when my turn to find them.. they were busy... what lah.... just miss all the time we use to have.... haha....I miss you all so much.....

Just now.. on FB keep on comment with my sister.....she went back to sabah... for like nearly 4 years already....till now we never meet up with each other... I really miss her so much.... haha... but what can I do we were so far apart... haiz.... I miss the time when we were together... I know she dote me... but what can I do we were so far away....haiz.... seriously need to make a plan to go sabah to find her.... cause I really damm miss her so much.... but don't know how to tell my this sister lah.... sometimes.. talk to her feel like vomit blood... haha.... but I really miss her.... just wanna say that... jie wait me go sabah find you ok...but I still hope you can come back to JB.... haha

BTW.....i guess for the next two weeks..... I will damm miss someone too... haiz... cause she not coming back.... haha... anyway use to miss all of you already.... lah.. so no different....haha...

Our Story....

The reason... I am writing this is because... the 3 of us.... have lots... of memory.... which I don't think I am able to forget.... it is a bless that we 3 able... to be friends...... anyway.. it is a bless for me to know the two of them.... through both of them... I have a lots of happy moment....


We do not know each other very long... till today.... First of March.... I guess we know.. each other for... about... nearly... 4 months... I remember... the first day we know each other... is through my friend..... I remember that...day we first meet up is at this Mamak Shop in Mount Austin.... haha... the first time we meet up...We don't talk much...and the only thing I know is... we have the same name.....funny right... ???

Seriously... we started of... with... talking on the viber.... it is so happen I was in Ayub having yum cha... with friend... and she were talking on viber with... Lax.... so when I was talking loud She thought... We were fighting... so she ask Lax to pass the phone to me.. then start.... talking.... to me.... haha... but at that time we don't talk much at all because... we still not really familiar to each other so the things... we talk is so little....haha... but this is the start of everything.....Our story begin..... Thinking of the second time we talk on the viber is related to some stupid funny stuff... we talk on the phone like more than hour.... OMG... but when I think back I still feel like laughing.... haha... I remember after this call I took your number from.... Lax... then we start viber and Whatsapp.... haha...anyway.... I nearly lost a good friend like you because.... of a stupid person... but lucky everything was over fast... and I am glad that... I had made this decision... if not I guess I would lost a good friend like you.... haha....

Anyway... the things happen between us is just like a flash... so fast... anyway... there is lots of things...but if want to say it is really long... anyway... it is being written down in my mini diary... haha... anyway it is a bless to know you.... thanks... for being my friend....

This guy I have know him... for years..... think back of the days...i really miss it so much... haha.. we really did lots of stupid things together... the time we have together.... is so fun.... I remember I know him is when he working in one of the... coffee shop... haha... that time when I first meet him he call me jie jie... walua... know... don't even know what he call me also.... haha.... but seriously... time goes by so fast.... haha now.. he is a father of 2 already... haha... I remember last time we are so nuts... mid night... we can go to the park there...and sit down there for hours to chit chat.. and listen to songs......

Btw I actually lost contact with him for very long but till last year... i think October we start to contact back each other... then we start to do stupid things together again... haha... anyway....... I miss those day....I was wondering.... if I really want to write about us.... I guess I can come out with a novel.... anyway... I need to say that... being his friend is a bless.....

Our story..if i want to write it down maybe.... for 1 months... i also can't finish writing.... actually there is one things.. me myself also... can't believe is... I remember every single things that the 3 of us done...Maybe I need to write our story...make it as a book for my own... memory.... because... I am not sure how long I could remember all this..... at least if I make it as a book... next time when I am old I can take out and read all this funny funny things that we all do....anyway... the only things i wanna say is.. thanks for being my friend....haiz... I not only must thanks..... two the both of you... but I also want to take a few person too.... anyway... the other few... their moment is all written down long time ago... haha.... Just wanna say that I am happy to have you all.... as friends.... thanks to all of you...Haha maybe past life I do lots of good things that's why now... I have all of you.... wahaha....anyway... got to stop if not this blog will be damm damm long.....

Haha feel so... happy... and ease.....

Last few day I have been... irritate by one very stupid things... but lucky things... I have the few... of my friends they to... give me support.... If not I think I might be jumping in to the same shit again... haha... anyway... finally everything is come to an end.... haha so happy.... lucky thing.... the few of them were they for me..... haha... because of them I had a great weekend... because..... when I with them... i really feel no worry.. and I am always happy.... haha....anyway i really need to say that... this few people is really important to me.... because they really make my life... so cheerful...and colorful... and the most important is they really brighten.... up my life... haha... anyway thanks so much.... anyway... I can say that... let this continue on and on..... anyway... i had found something... more important..... haha... so i will just had to carry on... and do what I suppose to do......

I had not being so happy since then... haha anyway.... I am feeling comfortable.... and always happy and no worry now..... I like the feeling I am having now... Btw... there is one things... I am damm happy is... I never realize it could be that fast.... it is just happen like a flash....it was real fast..... the feeling is like it is suppose to be this way...... Haha when i think back... i realize that...all the things happen with it on reason......and when i think back all the things... I will just laugh like a dumb dumb person.... sometimes I feel that... I am sot... but this sit is with a valid reason.... is something really happening....and it is real.... and yet i am not dreaming... haha....lots... of things.. is not possible... had become possible....anyway... this it's.... haha....

People tell me this is fate.. now I really believe it.... and they ask me to be thankful of what i had...haha ... I not only need to be thankful i also need to appreciate... it to because... not everyone can be as lucky as me.... haha.....anywya...thanks for being there... always... to all of you....

Whatever....

Who ever want to blame.... just blame... I am doing what I am suppose to do.... If you all think so go ahead and think it that way.....I would not do anything.. or explain anything..... In this world being a good person... what I got... Do you think people would that you for it... instead being thanks... people... blame everything on you.... what the hell....What do I get... I was thinking... now... people blame it on me... then I wanna ask when I am hurt... who is the one who..... Concern me.... why now I need to... take the bloody initiative to concern you or look at you....You say to me... what no matter what... I do nothing will change... then what is the reason you are doing this.... Do you think that it would change anything..... sometime I just wonder are you sick... or you are crazy.... I guess maybe you should need to consult doctor.... because i really think that you are sick....By the way... no matter what you do it would not change anything.... and i want to say to you... please don't be an idiot... you think the things... you do I would feel anything.... seriously... I would not... i tell you i would not kelian you... don't ever think that... I would be like last time.... I am not the old WONG JOYCE LYN.....Btw just wanna let you know... I am not like you.... the love I gave is not an investment....I am not you... btw... just wanna say that.... I won't betray... myself to do such cheap... things.... all the thing that you have done... I already... now......I just want to live my life... and I do not want anything to related to you.... So if your family want to blame me for all this bloody annoying stuff go ahead.....I won't bother..... because.... if the people who know me... they would know the reason why... I would.... do such things... to you.... btw thanks because I have learn a great lesson from you....

Guess Guess and Guess.....

Don't ask me... why this is not the way it should be..... being.... in this situation.... is not my wish..... what ever it is... I am facing the reality... of everything.... because... whatever things... I see is beyond what I know.... guessing a person thinking... and want to know what people thinking is the hardest thing especially those who know how to hide and they know what you are up to to..... but what ever it is... all I need is time.... I am sure that... one day I would be able to guess.... what is people thinking about... and I think I am able to see through.... it.... At this point of time... I am just lack of the....knowledge.... on this.. anyway... what I need is time... BTW with my friend.... help...just now... I guess... I may be able to puzzle out... soon.... not the only things I need to do is..... gather everything and sort it out..... then I am able to get the answer soon....

Sometimes... I realize things is so complicated... it make you..... go bang wall... if you.... Sort it out wrongly.... this afternoon.. when I chat with my friend and she say... that... why it is so hard to guess... and why it is so complicated.... to know... haha the only things..... I say is .... it is so easy... I won't be in this trouble..... I would have solve it... on my own....haha..... sometimes.... I would want to ask that... whether knowing the truth behind everything is the best things to do... or just ignore it... which is better... and what is the best things to do.... ??? I wonder if I can puzzle it out.. it would be a good things for me... but... what if it is.... not a good news... if you puzzle out the things.... haiz

Can anyone tell me... what is true... ??? If a person is true..... what he or she will do???? If cares... and concern..... What he or she will do ???? If a person... is important to you... what will he or she do ???? If a person..... that you appreciate a lot what he or she will do ??? If a person... is the reason you are happy what he or she will do ???? If a person.... means everything to you... what he or she will do ??? What if two person... know how each other feeling what he or she will do???? I am really wondering... what people would do... haiz... this question was being ask by my friend......

Haiz... I am wondering.... from all this... am I able to puzzle out the answer... behind all this... and think what is the next step to do..... Sometimes... why people are so... complicated..... why got a straight... road they do not want to walk on this straight.. road...... why they always like to walk on the..... road that are... hard to walk... and there is lots... of barrier... why???? Sometimes ... I feel that.. huaman are very funny... know that..... ahead the road... is a hole... but why still jump in??? what is this.... haiz... I really don't know what it is so hard to understand...... Haiz... if I can get the answer from behind all this things... then puzzle out this... would be very simple.... as ABC.... what ever it is... I am trying to get it right... before... I am in deep shit again... because... I have notice... feel things... which... I think... if I don't get it right... I would suffer from it.... because... sifu tell me somethings... which.. make me think of something....anyway..... as for other things... let the god plan it for me... because... nothing much I can do... if it is not suppose to be that way.... haha... I believe in what I see and I believe in what I know.... what the hell I am writing.... anyway... if I can... puzzle is out.. then is good... but if can't then... let it be... as it is.... haha.....

Finally... today I got the mood to write my blog......

It is like two week I did not write any blog... haha... I finally have the time to write my blog today.... Actually not I do not have time to write... is just that I shift....my blog to a mini diary.... in my phone.... haha.....The reason I do this is because... I want to have a private... space for myself... In fact I like the... Mini Diary so much... because I can just write anything I want...I love it because I can upload all the photo i have took and straight away I can just write the things I want to say... and of course... the diary is only for certain things... which is important to me....and it is precious for me... which I do not want to forget... for the rest of my life.... haha.... I am glad that... there is such an application for me..... anyway... in this diary is all my precious memory.....with a person.... haha anyway...the mini diary is only for a person... haha

That day we had a family gathering... at Aunty Lim... Cafe... I guess nobody know I am so ahppy with that gathering... and the most important things is my xiao yi say that...they will organize this more often.... I am happy because... though we stay around JB area... but the time we meet up is so little...at least with this... gathering... it can bring all of us together... haha..... anyway that day I am happy that we had a chance to sit together...with all my uncle, aunty and cousin....normally when we...had the chance is only during chinese new year.... haiz what a shame... haiz... but anyway since they say that... we will ahve this gathering more.... it is really a good idea.... haha... anyway I really happy...haha

Do you know sometime I wanted to say how much I love you all but I just do not know how to say... but the only thing I can say is... I am a lucky person in this world... because.... I have a very lovely family..... and lovely friends.... around me all the time....haha.... anyway just wanna say that.... thanks for being my family and friends....

The force.... was strong.... can't believe it....

All the while I do not believe it..... haiz... but now I really got to admit it... I was totally wrong... what ever it is.. the force and the power was so strong.... I do not know what is happening... and what is going on... the only thing I believe is.... all this is fate.... sometime when sit back and think back it is all so sudden.... haiz maybe this is what we call when a door close up in other hand... but the other door is opening without any notice in another hand.......when I spend time thinking on the things happening around me... it make me feel so happy but some of the time.. make me... feel... sad too... but most of the things... make me feel so... happy and... I got to admit it..... for a very long time I did not smile and laugh... like now.....maybe in this world.... fate really exists..... wahaha....

The force and the power really make me do lots... of impossible things.... I really got shock when I realize it..... it was amazing when... I ask myself... why am I able to that.... after a little while I start.. laughing.. and smiling all the way.... and I will ask myself.. am I nuts... because I would just start.... laughing and smiling out of sudden.... but what ever it is.....I got to thank God... for arranging.... and open up my door wants again....wahaha....... nothing more I can say beside... laughing and laughing.... smiling and smiling... because... I do not know how to say what to say... because this type of happy... I have lost it... few years ago....But I do not know how long this would be... the only things I would want to say is... as long as I am able too... I want this to go on and on forever.....anyway... I am really happy....DO YOU ALL KNOW.....????

Anyway... I hope that... I have the ability... and the key...... to keep this going and I hope that... I am able to... open up the door that..... it has been close for very long too.... BTW I am happy ..... and I hope that I am able to do so too.....

If you are mind you will be mine....

God how i wish now there is someone would appear in my life.... too guide me...advise me....teach me.....tell me what is wrong n what is right..... n help me make decision on certain things.....T^T maybe i TTM. for this bcoz it is impossible...but I really struggling now on lots of things .....anyway hope everything would be better...

I am hoping that this would come true... because... I am waiting for this person....I feel it but... I am not sure... maybe because.....I ignore it... or maybe because I dare not ask.... and dare not tell.... I feel lots of things... but in the mean time... I ignore it too... what the hell... I feel that.. I am loser.... I know it is near... but I stop.... because... as usual I scared I will lost or fall.... haha.... anyway.... maybe.....I ignore... and I act like nothing happen is still the best... because.... not everything got to say clearly.... being stupid.. is the best things..... maybe this is the best.....

Anyway...your one word or sentence... is still better than their.... long winded sentence..... If you understand me you will get it...and you will know it... Someone tell me she know it..... but the both of us acted... stupid... and don't want to say it out.... haha... just hope that... it is really like this... if not... the only things... I can say is the god is joking with me..... haha.....anyway... what ever it is...if you belong to me... I do not need to anything...you will be mine.... wahaha.... let everything go on the flow... and do what I want to do... and as long as I know I am not doing the right thing is enough.... haha... because I believe that the gods already plan for me and you.... so I will just wait for the outcome......MY friend puzzle out the things happen and everything regarding the both of us ......but only one world I said.... don't tell me the answer the answer... because... I want it to be secret.... because.... I like the feeling now.... and as far as I know that... I do not do any prediction..... because through this way... I won't feel afraid....of anything.....I can just be myself.... haha.....

people ask me what is the prediction... of this...... Seriously... I do not have the answer... because.... I am using a very sincere heart to.... look at this matter....because I know that.... I won't get hurt... because I have confidence that.... I won't get hurt..... but I will feel sad..... sometime..... I realize that... my door is being open.... already.... I am no longer shut my door up... like last time......through out so many things happen this time... is the only time that.... I am able to....just leave without fear...what ever it is... I feel easy and comfortable... all the time......haha... what ever it is...... at the this time... I do not need to do anything..... because if you are belong to me... I do not need to do anything....because... I do not do anything... you will be mine no matter what..... haha.... so I am waiting for the.... outcome...... god bless......The god know what is the best for me... and the god already got the plan for me... haha..... everything let it go on fate......

what the hack....

Do I look like a kid??? why everyone... say I look like a kid....I do not get it... and the problem is they say...due to certain thing.. and certain... situation I look like a kid and especially in front of my parent and those people who dote me....... what the hack... I totally don't know what to say....did I ??? seriously... IDK.... whatever...as long as I don't think so.... haiz.... it is not bothering... me anyway... haha....

Haiz exam is near.... but till now I still don't know what the hack I am doing...?? I am still going out yum cha and gai gai ... and everyday play non stop....like nobody... business...why I am like out of control.... even me myself also don't know why... I am like that.... I feel strange.... but I don't know what is the reason.... haiz...I just could not concentrate... on my study....what can I do....?? someone say to me the reason I could not concentrate.... is because... nobody push me.. and no one is beside me..... scolding me... walau... when I heard this..... I say please... lah... I hate being.... restricted.... and being force to do things.... and the worse is... someone... say that... wanna take away my laptop... and forbid me to go online.... and she say to me..... ask me to sleep early... and say to me... please don't go out late at night.... and the best is don't go out.... wahaha.... funny loh... don't think.... that... I will listen to what you say... and don't try to .. ask me to email..... you my daily.... time table to you.... and don't ever ever think that... I would... make a time table.....thank you....

Do you possible think that I would listen to... the things... you said.... now haha the only thing I can say is you think to much... haha.....and please stop checking on me...... Don't think that.... I don't know you ask... san jie to check on my.. thing..... I am not stupid.....If want to check on me... please do it a brilliant way thank you.... don't let me find out.... BTW for your information... I hide her on FB... too so you will know nothing... from now onwards....you know I hate... people check on me....and know..... don't ever think that..... I still scared of you like last time..... kkk...

Please don't act that... you understand me very well....being my sister...you know nothing loh... you do not know what I want loh....so don't tell me... how much you care how much you love me.... to me all is rubbish...because.... anyone... have the right to say.... that but for sure is not you... because you do not know.....you only know how to... force me.. with the things you want.... anyway...I will listen.. but does not me..... I would follow....anyway..... I do not want to say more... because... what ever I say ... you would not..... listen.... so I rather not say....

This time... i seriously very hurt....

I do not know why... my tears suddenly drops..... I really could not control it any more.... How I wish I could know what is happening... and what went wrong..... I really cherish this.... friendship so much....that is why... I get so frustrated... and sad.... and my temper is being so hot... this few day..... Every friendship is important to me... but... now I realize that... our friendship..... is even 100 times more important to me.....I really do not know what more I can do....

I just want to say that... I really cherish this friendship so much.... no matter what... I can only say that... If there is any misunderstanding...... or what... I am very very sorry..... I do not know what more I can do... because... I really care about you.... but what ever it is... my care and concern is only being a friend.....I do not know how you think.... but... I really feeling sad because of your ignorance.... any way... just want to tell you that... what ever it is.... this friendship is important to me.....nothing more I can say at this time..... the only thing I can say is sorry.... I do not know what can do... at this time... the only things I can say is thanks for being my friend..... I will remember you... as one of my very good friend... thank you....

Everything..... and my feeling....

People would leave my life...but there is people enter in my life too.... anyway... the only things I wish to say is thanks you... no matter for those who enter in my life or leave my life.....at this time I want to say thank you because you make my life so joyful....and cheerful....and grateful you enter into my life.....lots of things I do not know how to say..... that is why the only way... I can do is type on the FB and make it...all in short form.....maybe I am to proud to lose... that is why..... I do not want to say...haiz....

This few day you have been using jie jie to force me to do things... would you think I would listen... or do you think that... it would help... if I refuse to listen.... You all should know so once again... please don't ever ever try to use... jie jie... no use de.... you all have been asking the same question again and again... you all clearly no the answer... and you all know the answer.... If you have the ability... then do it... don't use jie jie... no use de.... so please stop it.... I am tired of listen..... you think I do not want to go for class or do not want to... do anything you ask her come back would help.... ??? I tell you no .... if you ask her to come back.... it will not help... KKK so stop it...thanks you.... and please don't tell me funny things...... thanks you....

Break.... liao...

My heart was so break.... I do not know what to say.... but I seriously can say My heart... is totally break when.... I heard it..... But nothing I can do because....the thing I heard was... as what I think... and assume... Maybe I should just keep some and do not show it too much.....I guess this should be the best way.... After a few thing I have heard it make me realize that... I should just maybe.. give more time......

During this Chinese New Year... Me and my lovely Xiao Jiu Mu have a little chat... and I tell her so many things.... the only conclusion and answer I get in the end is... cherish..... the word cherish seems to be easy to say... but the only thing I can say if I cherish but my cherish is being rejected.... what I can do....??? Nothing can be done..... My Xiao Jiu Mu say to me....it is hard to find... since I find it.... no matter what never give up... must keep.. it going.... If not I will regret... in the end..... Haiz I know but.... I have do what I suppose and what I should.....no the matter is just wait... that's all I can say.....If really understand.... automatically.... would understand... so no need to say more..... maybe my everything is not perfect...and done not enough....just Let It Be....

Chinese New Year..... 2012

My family.... photo... with all yi po....my grand parent... my cousin..... my jiu jiu.... my jiu mu.... my yiyi..... and my parent....


This Chinese New Year... As usual come back to Melaka.... My grandma... house to... celebrate......new year...haha... On the.. reunion.... dinner night... my grandma..... my mom.....A yi... my jiu mu... they all cooked... lots of good food...the dishes that I love the most... that I like the most is the Chicken that my grandma cooked.... haha anyway this is beside the point... I enjoy..... the gather... with all my jiu... jiu mu.... my yiyi... and my grandparent.... haha... anyway...it is fast... I am going back tomorrow loh.... I enjoy... every single moment... with all my cousin.... haha... anyway... this year Chinese New Year... is very different... because this... year me and my family take lots... of family photo... unlike last year.... but I just love this year new year.....

This few day... lots of things happen... I become the family.... Clown... haha.. thanks to one very smart person loh.... My god my name become....ohanzi leng lui plus fmx leng lui alamak seriously thanks to you loh... Jocelyn Jie Jie... for the new nick... .... haiz anyway... never mind I am find with it... as long as.. all of you are happy...I am happy..........another great thing is... my dad and mom actually support me to go pick up.... photograph... course since I love photo shooting so much ... haha... I am so happy about it..... haha.... I am glad to see my grand parent and my atai ... in great health especially.... my atai.... she is already 100 years old.... yet she is still so strong... and she still can wallk and she still can remember all those... old old memory.....Hopa my Atai... can live long life..... and Hope that my grandparent... too can live long life... and... happy always.....

Lots... of things I do not want to say... but I just want to say that... I love you all so much.... Happy Chinese New Year.....And I also want to say that I Love the three of you so much JOJJ.... LLJC....& CPYJJ.... all of you are the people that I care the most... my new year wish is hope that... my entire family... and the three of you... healthy always.....and happy always....

Did some stupid thing... haha

Last night when I got home... I open up my... laptop... and do some changes on the photo that... I took.....Looking at it... the changes I made is not nice at all.... but I do not have choice... because.... I do not understand chinese so the things I can do is so limited... haiz... but anyway..... It is my effort.... haha... just love it...it took me few hour to do all this photo.... haha the photo will be uploaded here....... hehe....

Looking at the all the photo... the only thing I can say lucky I got... two very pretty lady who are willing to be my model.... if not I do not have the chance to take all this photo.... There is a few photo.. which I really love it... but few of it make me... very disappointed...... because.....it was very lousy when...i took the photo.... but never mind... I will practice more.... haha... practice make perfect... hope you will like it..... thanks for everything.......









Hope that the photo that I make you will like it.....once again thanks...... haha ... hope next time you can be my model again... wahaha.....





Feeling that I am so stupid... don't know what I write also... and don't what to say... feeling so speechless... really don't know how to say...things loh.... supid stupid people like me... talk also don't know...but no matter what still need to thanks... Jocelyn Jie Jie and her cousin Ruoyu Loh....

feeling....

Sometime... I am asking myself... who can understand my feeling.... Who can know what I am doing.... no one.... ever ever know... because they think that... what ever I do or think is not a matter....Sometime... I try not to think and not to see... and not to know.....Maybe I am just trying to run away... of all the things that happen around me... no matter towards... family... love... and friendship..... I do not know how long I could run away from all this.....

As for my family..... I really do not know how to say... Is just that I have my own reason not to take over... but you all just force me to do something which I am not willing too.... Have you ever ask what is the reason..... no you all did not... you all only ask me to make my decision...... But is is a stress.... to me..... Seriously I do not like people talk at the back of me... don't ever think I do not know what others talk at the back of me.... Is just that... when I say it out... it is really hurt.... maybe.... one mistake that... you all made is... choose me..... as your children.... For all this year...I know that you all love me... but something can't hide is.... how other people talk about me.....I should be protected by you all not being bully by someone..... when ever anything happen.... you all say nothing.... but just a word of sorry..... I am really tired already....I am tired of acting I am strong.... I don't mind what they say... and I am tired of everything... I am doing....

Actually I thought.... I found... Lovies Ang Chiew Fong ..... is a good thing to me... but who knows in ended up to be in this way...... I thought that... when I am with her I feel family... I feel love... I feel warm... but who knows she is also the one to hurt me the most... but thank god that I have already let go of her.... Maybe I am lack of family love and warm... so when ever anyone... treat me nice... I would just accept with no hesitation..... Who can tell me..... what is the... things... I am suppose to do... for the time.... I am lost for very long..... no matter how hard... I try... I will never ever get out of it.....

One of my friend... say that.... I bang my head on the wall again... when I meet the mystery person..... but seriously... I did not... because the only things I know is I did not... I am a human... I know who treat me well.. and who don't.... just to say that... I am not doing anything blindly..... I am just choosing the things I want to do... and what is right to do..... But one things I can say is being with that mystery person... I feel so warm..... and I can feel the things that... I have lost for very long or I should say that... she made me found back that the things I have lost..... being with her... I can't hide... anything... maybe my friend was right... towards her I lost my...sense... and I lost my "pan duan li"....that's why I can say that... she is in the list already... because I do not know why that mystery person have this kind of power to make me lost all this.... maybe because of her character completely show me as one......and make me scared of her ba and maybe she is the one that I am waiting for and looking for.... but no matter what... the only things.... I can say is.. thanks.... to that mystery person..... ...... at the time now just let it be... as it is... when the times.. comes... if the mystery person mean to be... automatically will happen.... because another friend of mine ask me to ask her...... I do not want to do so... because I find no reason to do so...... as I say the god will plan for me..... and the god already... got the decision for me...... what ever it is... for the time being... just leave it at it is......btw thanks also for letting me be... myself when... I am with you..... because... nothing I can hide... haha....... anyway... I will not do anything... because..... I like the feeling now.. and I do not want to loose.... anything... God please bless me and the mystery person.... thanks...

I really do not have... mood to do anything... at the moment.....I just feel like cry that's all.... But what ever it is... there is good and bad things happen..... I just have face the bad things.... If I can face it... everything would be fine..... anyway....I just want to say that..... for the time being..... I do not want to do any decision..... at all..... For the time being just continue...to fake and be strong.....I just want to say that... I care... so everything is a matter to me even it is just a small matter...... god bless all of us....

what a day...

Haiz.... this morning wake up around 11 plus..... Do not know what happen... simply send things...to friends... what the hell... nearly got myself into trouble..... wake up.. my back bone did not get any better but it become worse... so went out with my mom....aunty.... uncle.... brother... and cousin..... for lunch..... I went to the stupid shop I order... popiah... and dry chili chicken... rice again..... the same thing I order... every time I go to that stupid shop..... anyway this is beside the point... the worse is..... my uncle... order the fried vegetable... and force me to eat... then I direct say.... you think I would eat this... stupid vegetables...... then he have no choice to eat on his own... because..... he know if he force me..... I will direct... stop eating everything.......just talking crap....

after..... the lunch... I went to the stupid..... chinese... Dr to.... see my back bone... What the hell he direct take the... medicine... and scrap in on my back and start pushing.... walau... damm stupid... without telling me... in the end I shouted inside.... make me so no face..... till the end of the day.... the chinese Dr gave me a... bottle of powder and ask me to eat for 1 months... then go back to visit him....... I guess I am not going to eat...it... disgusting like hell and not going back to see him..... just hate it... what ever it's the doctor say no egg no chicken and no cold stuff... I say to him you are crazy..... but lucky when I went to my uncle... my uncle say...can eat chicken ... and egg.... but no cold stuff...Still KNS to me.....haha...

haiz... today went to collect my report from my unlce... and also let him take a look at my throat....only one word my unlce say... totally no more smoking... no more fried stuff... no more solid food.... and no more spicy food.... wahaha... funny... do you think I will follow....he ask me to stop before it is to late......what ever.... the as for the report...... GBU... don't understand.... haha... when tidy up the room I discover that I got so many type of medicine need to take.....but non of it I take....... sian lah... want me take... wait long long....

Today... I finally made up my mind to throw all the stupid things that she bought for me in to the dustbin without any hesitation.... I do not feel any... sadness when I throw... it.. So I guess I can officially... say that... she is totally out of my mind...I am free from her... she is no more my concern.... happy happy... today blog.... really sucks... all talking rubbish... wahaha

I am totally lost.... in a far far away place....

The decision... is being put a side at the moment... I do not wish to do any decision.... What ever decision... I make it will be totally wrong.... so I will just leave it....For sure one thing... I am not going to stop what I am going to do... unless or if there is someone have the ability... to make me do so... If not.... sorry... I will not do any changes.... don't ask me to think of my love one.... for the time being I do not have..... So no use...because all this while I am completely alone.....

All this while I am only looking for someone that can appreciate.... the things that I do or done for them... no matter as a friends or lover.... but I fail to do so.... because.... No one ever appreciate the things I have done..... As for know I am sick and tired of... my life... so the last thing... I could do is.... take my life.... as a chips.... So I can just.... gamble it away.... Don't tell me..... me myself also don't cherish... my on life.. then who will..... I did cherish... my life... but... it let me down over and over again.... so what you want me to do....

For few time... I thought I found one but... it is the same.... in the end... I am only being use... and the worse is.... they never ever appreciate the things... I have done... on top of that they hurt me... like nobody business.... So looking back all the things... I have done... this time round...I use my life to gamble... if I lose this round.... is not a big deal..... If I lose the only things.. I have to do is.... sleep forever in a wooden box..... nothing much.... If I win this round I may... be happily enjoy myself with that person.... that's all.... is either bang the wall or not to bang the wall......

Anyway for the time being this the only things I can think of.... don't ask me why I got such thinking.... and why I do like this.... because... I do not know the answer to all this.... so we will just wait and see the outcome......

Since the day I have said something to someone....now I would like to clarify it... I want to know from that day till now... I just wanna know that, what you treat me as?.....as you know the answer... because I have already... say it... out twice once inside the car and once was on viber call... Just want to know.... because... I realize that... I am getting more and more over my limitation...... as a nobody.... maybe I could say so... because..... as for know I still do not know... what is the current situation about us... so I just say it as a nobody...... and all the time I would just worry that you might...get angry... everyday worry about you.....seriously after her no one have the ability to make me... do so much thing.....accept you... So I am just curious..... I am sure this time round is... not my mind.....sot... I am sure that the god is doing something or maybe he is joking with me...... Anyway... I am trying to... ignore all this... but every time... the same thing keep knock and knock non stop on my door telling me that I should tell you how I feel, but the problem is I already told you on the Chirtsmas Eve ...... I am really helpless.... and lost... If I say now is 100% comfirm... I scared it would make the entire situation... become worse.... anyway... forget it... I know I will never ever able to get the answer.... So I just leave it..... Seriously only people who I think she is like my sister can make me listen or do the things that they say....If not I would not just follow or do it blindly....the worse is they can make me scared of them... just like I scared of you.... whatever it is not a matter because... I guess I know the answer.... I guess... so I hope this would not cause any problem or barrier between us..... just being curious..... that's all...

I am... curious... I am... stupid because.... I can't do my decision... I need someone... by my side to guide me... and teach me..... how... whatever it is..... wait for that person to appear ba..... that's the only thing I can say.... btw last thing I wanna say... I wash my hand off from something... and I do not want to get involve.... of anything else....so please don't bring me into the garden... and throw me there alone again...... Now I am only waiting for... answer and thinking what I shd do next.... thank you.....