The decision... is being put a side at the moment... I do not wish to do any decision.... What ever decision... I make it will be totally wrong.... so I will just leave it....For sure one thing... I am not going to stop what I am going to do... unless or if there is someone have the ability... to make me do so... If not.... sorry... I will not do any changes.... don't ask me to think of my love one.... for the time being I do not have..... So no use...because all this while I am completely alone.....
All this while I am only looking for someone that can appreciate.... the things that I do or done for them... no matter as a friends or lover.... but I fail to do so.... because.... No one ever appreciate the things I have done..... As for know I am sick and tired of... my life... so the last thing... I could do is.... take my life.... as a chips.... So I can just.... gamble it away.... Don't tell me..... me myself also don't cherish... my on life.. then who will..... I did cherish... my life... but... it let me down over and over again.... so what you want me to do....
For few time... I thought I found one but... it is the same.... in the end... I am only being use... and the worse is.... they never ever appreciate the things... I have done... on top of that they hurt me... like nobody business.... So looking back all the things... I have done... this time round...I use my life to gamble... if I lose this round.... is not a big deal..... If I lose the only things.. I have to do is.... sleep forever in a wooden box..... nothing much.... If I win this round I may... be happily enjoy myself with that person.... that's all.... is either bang the wall or not to bang the wall......
Anyway for the time being this the only things I can think of.... don't ask me why I got such thinking.... and why I do like this.... because... I do not know the answer to all this.... so we will just wait and see the outcome......
Since the day I have said something to someone....now I would like to clarify it... I want to know from that day till now... I just wanna know that, what you treat me as?.....as you know the answer... because I have already... say it... out twice once inside the car and once was on viber call... Just want to know.... because... I realize that... I am getting more and more over my limitation...... as a nobody.... maybe I could say so... because..... as for know I still do not know... what is the current situation about us... so I just say it as a nobody...... and all the time I would just worry that you might...get angry... everyday worry about you.....seriously after her no one have the ability to make me... do so much thing.....accept you... So I am just curious..... I am sure this time round is... not my mind.....sot... I am sure that the god is doing something or maybe he is joking with me...... Anyway... I am trying to... ignore all this... but every time... the same thing keep knock and knock non stop on my door telling me that I should tell you how I feel, but the problem is I already told you on the Chirtsmas Eve ...... I am really helpless.... and lost... If I say now is 100% comfirm... I scared it would make the entire situation... become worse.... anyway... forget it... I know I will never ever able to get the answer.... So I just leave it..... Seriously only people who I think she is like my sister can make me listen or do the things that they say....If not I would not just follow or do it blindly....the worse is they can make me scared of them... just like I scared of you.... whatever it is not a matter because... I guess I know the answer.... I guess... so I hope this would not cause any problem or barrier between us..... just being curious..... that's all...
I am... curious... I am... stupid because.... I can't do my decision... I need someone... by my side to guide me... and teach me..... how... whatever it is..... wait for that person to appear ba..... that's the only thing I can say.... btw last thing I wanna say... I wash my hand off from something... and I do not want to get involve.... of anything else....so please don't bring me into the garden... and throw me there alone again...... Now I am only waiting for... answer and thinking what I shd do next.... thank you.....
just ignore... what ever I say... thanks u.....
ReplyDelete