Everything..... and my feeling....

People would leave my life...but there is people enter in my life too.... anyway... the only things I wish to say is thanks you... no matter for those who enter in my life or leave my life.....at this time I want to say thank you because you make my life so joyful....and cheerful....and grateful you enter into my life.....lots of things I do not know how to say..... that is why the only way... I can do is type on the FB and make it...all in short form.....maybe I am to proud to lose... that is why..... I do not want to say...haiz....

This few day you have been using jie jie to force me to do things... would you think I would listen... or do you think that... it would help... if I refuse to listen.... You all should know so once again... please don't ever ever try to use... jie jie... no use de.... you all have been asking the same question again and again... you all clearly no the answer... and you all know the answer.... If you have the ability... then do it... don't use jie jie... no use de.... so please stop it.... I am tired of listen..... you think I do not want to go for class or do not want to... do anything you ask her come back would help.... ??? I tell you no .... if you ask her to come back.... it will not help... KKK so stop it...thanks you.... and please don't tell me funny things...... thanks you....

Break.... liao...

My heart was so break.... I do not know what to say.... but I seriously can say My heart... is totally break when.... I heard it..... But nothing I can do because....the thing I heard was... as what I think... and assume... Maybe I should just keep some and do not show it too much.....I guess this should be the best way.... After a few thing I have heard it make me realize that... I should just maybe.. give more time......

During this Chinese New Year... Me and my lovely Xiao Jiu Mu have a little chat... and I tell her so many things.... the only conclusion and answer I get in the end is... cherish..... the word cherish seems to be easy to say... but the only thing I can say if I cherish but my cherish is being rejected.... what I can do....??? Nothing can be done..... My Xiao Jiu Mu say to me....it is hard to find... since I find it.... no matter what never give up... must keep.. it going.... If not I will regret... in the end..... Haiz I know but.... I have do what I suppose and what I should.....no the matter is just wait... that's all I can say.....If really understand.... automatically.... would understand... so no need to say more..... maybe my everything is not perfect...and done not enough....just Let It Be....

Chinese New Year..... 2012

My family.... photo... with all yi po....my grand parent... my cousin..... my jiu jiu.... my jiu mu.... my yiyi..... and my parent....


This Chinese New Year... As usual come back to Melaka.... My grandma... house to... celebrate......new year...haha... On the.. reunion.... dinner night... my grandma..... my mom.....A yi... my jiu mu... they all cooked... lots of good food...the dishes that I love the most... that I like the most is the Chicken that my grandma cooked.... haha anyway this is beside the point... I enjoy..... the gather... with all my jiu... jiu mu.... my yiyi... and my grandparent.... haha... anyway...it is fast... I am going back tomorrow loh.... I enjoy... every single moment... with all my cousin.... haha... anyway... this year Chinese New Year... is very different... because this... year me and my family take lots... of family photo... unlike last year.... but I just love this year new year.....

This few day... lots of things happen... I become the family.... Clown... haha.. thanks to one very smart person loh.... My god my name become....ohanzi leng lui plus fmx leng lui alamak seriously thanks to you loh... Jocelyn Jie Jie... for the new nick... .... haiz anyway... never mind I am find with it... as long as.. all of you are happy...I am happy..........another great thing is... my dad and mom actually support me to go pick up.... photograph... course since I love photo shooting so much ... haha... I am so happy about it..... haha.... I am glad to see my grand parent and my atai ... in great health especially.... my atai.... she is already 100 years old.... yet she is still so strong... and she still can wallk and she still can remember all those... old old memory.....Hopa my Atai... can live long life..... and Hope that my grandparent... too can live long life... and... happy always.....

Lots... of things I do not want to say... but I just want to say that... I love you all so much.... Happy Chinese New Year.....And I also want to say that I Love the three of you so much JOJJ.... LLJC....& CPYJJ.... all of you are the people that I care the most... my new year wish is hope that... my entire family... and the three of you... healthy always.....and happy always....

Did some stupid thing... haha

Last night when I got home... I open up my... laptop... and do some changes on the photo that... I took.....Looking at it... the changes I made is not nice at all.... but I do not have choice... because.... I do not understand chinese so the things I can do is so limited... haiz... but anyway..... It is my effort.... haha... just love it...it took me few hour to do all this photo.... haha the photo will be uploaded here....... hehe....

Looking at the all the photo... the only thing I can say lucky I got... two very pretty lady who are willing to be my model.... if not I do not have the chance to take all this photo.... There is a few photo.. which I really love it... but few of it make me... very disappointed...... because.....it was very lousy when...i took the photo.... but never mind... I will practice more.... haha... practice make perfect... hope you will like it..... thanks for everything.......









Hope that the photo that I make you will like it.....once again thanks...... haha ... hope next time you can be my model again... wahaha.....





Feeling that I am so stupid... don't know what I write also... and don't what to say... feeling so speechless... really don't know how to say...things loh.... supid stupid people like me... talk also don't know...but no matter what still need to thanks... Jocelyn Jie Jie and her cousin Ruoyu Loh....

feeling....

Sometime... I am asking myself... who can understand my feeling.... Who can know what I am doing.... no one.... ever ever know... because they think that... what ever I do or think is not a matter....Sometime... I try not to think and not to see... and not to know.....Maybe I am just trying to run away... of all the things that happen around me... no matter towards... family... love... and friendship..... I do not know how long I could run away from all this.....

As for my family..... I really do not know how to say... Is just that I have my own reason not to take over... but you all just force me to do something which I am not willing too.... Have you ever ask what is the reason..... no you all did not... you all only ask me to make my decision...... But is is a stress.... to me..... Seriously I do not like people talk at the back of me... don't ever think I do not know what others talk at the back of me.... Is just that... when I say it out... it is really hurt.... maybe.... one mistake that... you all made is... choose me..... as your children.... For all this year...I know that you all love me... but something can't hide is.... how other people talk about me.....I should be protected by you all not being bully by someone..... when ever anything happen.... you all say nothing.... but just a word of sorry..... I am really tired already....I am tired of acting I am strong.... I don't mind what they say... and I am tired of everything... I am doing....

Actually I thought.... I found... Lovies Ang Chiew Fong ..... is a good thing to me... but who knows in ended up to be in this way...... I thought that... when I am with her I feel family... I feel love... I feel warm... but who knows she is also the one to hurt me the most... but thank god that I have already let go of her.... Maybe I am lack of family love and warm... so when ever anyone... treat me nice... I would just accept with no hesitation..... Who can tell me..... what is the... things... I am suppose to do... for the time.... I am lost for very long..... no matter how hard... I try... I will never ever get out of it.....

One of my friend... say that.... I bang my head on the wall again... when I meet the mystery person..... but seriously... I did not... because the only things I know is I did not... I am a human... I know who treat me well.. and who don't.... just to say that... I am not doing anything blindly..... I am just choosing the things I want to do... and what is right to do..... But one things I can say is being with that mystery person... I feel so warm..... and I can feel the things that... I have lost for very long or I should say that... she made me found back that the things I have lost..... being with her... I can't hide... anything... maybe my friend was right... towards her I lost my...sense... and I lost my "pan duan li"....that's why I can say that... she is in the list already... because I do not know why that mystery person have this kind of power to make me lost all this.... maybe because of her character completely show me as one......and make me scared of her ba and maybe she is the one that I am waiting for and looking for.... but no matter what... the only things.... I can say is.. thanks.... to that mystery person..... ...... at the time now just let it be... as it is... when the times.. comes... if the mystery person mean to be... automatically will happen.... because another friend of mine ask me to ask her...... I do not want to do so... because I find no reason to do so...... as I say the god will plan for me..... and the god already... got the decision for me...... what ever it is... for the time being... just leave it at it is......btw thanks also for letting me be... myself when... I am with you..... because... nothing I can hide... haha....... anyway... I will not do anything... because..... I like the feeling now.. and I do not want to loose.... anything... God please bless me and the mystery person.... thanks...

I really do not have... mood to do anything... at the moment.....I just feel like cry that's all.... But what ever it is... there is good and bad things happen..... I just have face the bad things.... If I can face it... everything would be fine..... anyway....I just want to say that..... for the time being..... I do not want to do any decision..... at all..... For the time being just continue...to fake and be strong.....I just want to say that... I care... so everything is a matter to me even it is just a small matter...... god bless all of us....

what a day...

Haiz.... this morning wake up around 11 plus..... Do not know what happen... simply send things...to friends... what the hell... nearly got myself into trouble..... wake up.. my back bone did not get any better but it become worse... so went out with my mom....aunty.... uncle.... brother... and cousin..... for lunch..... I went to the stupid shop I order... popiah... and dry chili chicken... rice again..... the same thing I order... every time I go to that stupid shop..... anyway this is beside the point... the worse is..... my uncle... order the fried vegetable... and force me to eat... then I direct say.... you think I would eat this... stupid vegetables...... then he have no choice to eat on his own... because..... he know if he force me..... I will direct... stop eating everything.......just talking crap....

after..... the lunch... I went to the stupid..... chinese... Dr to.... see my back bone... What the hell he direct take the... medicine... and scrap in on my back and start pushing.... walau... damm stupid... without telling me... in the end I shouted inside.... make me so no face..... till the end of the day.... the chinese Dr gave me a... bottle of powder and ask me to eat for 1 months... then go back to visit him....... I guess I am not going to eat...it... disgusting like hell and not going back to see him..... just hate it... what ever it's the doctor say no egg no chicken and no cold stuff... I say to him you are crazy..... but lucky when I went to my uncle... my uncle say...can eat chicken ... and egg.... but no cold stuff...Still KNS to me.....haha...

haiz... today went to collect my report from my unlce... and also let him take a look at my throat....only one word my unlce say... totally no more smoking... no more fried stuff... no more solid food.... and no more spicy food.... wahaha... funny... do you think I will follow....he ask me to stop before it is to late......what ever.... the as for the report...... GBU... don't understand.... haha... when tidy up the room I discover that I got so many type of medicine need to take.....but non of it I take....... sian lah... want me take... wait long long....

Today... I finally made up my mind to throw all the stupid things that she bought for me in to the dustbin without any hesitation.... I do not feel any... sadness when I throw... it.. So I guess I can officially... say that... she is totally out of my mind...I am free from her... she is no more my concern.... happy happy... today blog.... really sucks... all talking rubbish... wahaha

I am totally lost.... in a far far away place....

The decision... is being put a side at the moment... I do not wish to do any decision.... What ever decision... I make it will be totally wrong.... so I will just leave it....For sure one thing... I am not going to stop what I am going to do... unless or if there is someone have the ability... to make me do so... If not.... sorry... I will not do any changes.... don't ask me to think of my love one.... for the time being I do not have..... So no use...because all this while I am completely alone.....

All this while I am only looking for someone that can appreciate.... the things that I do or done for them... no matter as a friends or lover.... but I fail to do so.... because.... No one ever appreciate the things I have done..... As for know I am sick and tired of... my life... so the last thing... I could do is.... take my life.... as a chips.... So I can just.... gamble it away.... Don't tell me..... me myself also don't cherish... my on life.. then who will..... I did cherish... my life... but... it let me down over and over again.... so what you want me to do....

For few time... I thought I found one but... it is the same.... in the end... I am only being use... and the worse is.... they never ever appreciate the things... I have done... on top of that they hurt me... like nobody business.... So looking back all the things... I have done... this time round...I use my life to gamble... if I lose this round.... is not a big deal..... If I lose the only things.. I have to do is.... sleep forever in a wooden box..... nothing much.... If I win this round I may... be happily enjoy myself with that person.... that's all.... is either bang the wall or not to bang the wall......

Anyway for the time being this the only things I can think of.... don't ask me why I got such thinking.... and why I do like this.... because... I do not know the answer to all this.... so we will just wait and see the outcome......

Since the day I have said something to someone....now I would like to clarify it... I want to know from that day till now... I just wanna know that, what you treat me as?.....as you know the answer... because I have already... say it... out twice once inside the car and once was on viber call... Just want to know.... because... I realize that... I am getting more and more over my limitation...... as a nobody.... maybe I could say so... because..... as for know I still do not know... what is the current situation about us... so I just say it as a nobody...... and all the time I would just worry that you might...get angry... everyday worry about you.....seriously after her no one have the ability to make me... do so much thing.....accept you... So I am just curious..... I am sure this time round is... not my mind.....sot... I am sure that the god is doing something or maybe he is joking with me...... Anyway... I am trying to... ignore all this... but every time... the same thing keep knock and knock non stop on my door telling me that I should tell you how I feel, but the problem is I already told you on the Chirtsmas Eve ...... I am really helpless.... and lost... If I say now is 100% comfirm... I scared it would make the entire situation... become worse.... anyway... forget it... I know I will never ever able to get the answer.... So I just leave it..... Seriously only people who I think she is like my sister can make me listen or do the things that they say....If not I would not just follow or do it blindly....the worse is they can make me scared of them... just like I scared of you.... whatever it is not a matter because... I guess I know the answer.... I guess... so I hope this would not cause any problem or barrier between us..... just being curious..... that's all...

I am... curious... I am... stupid because.... I can't do my decision... I need someone... by my side to guide me... and teach me..... how... whatever it is..... wait for that person to appear ba..... that's the only thing I can say.... btw last thing I wanna say... I wash my hand off from something... and I do not want to get involve.... of anything else....so please don't bring me into the garden... and throw me there alone again...... Now I am only waiting for... answer and thinking what I shd do next.... thank you.....